Lost in translation in Bangkok

While waiting for my group at the night market, two girls approached me and this is what transpired next:

girl 1: Sir you want suck?
moonshiner: Yeh how much
girl 2: thirty bah (silent T) pair
moonshiner: you mean both of you for thirty baht only?
girl 1: what you mean both of us?
moonshiner: you've just offerred yourself for thirty baht, you know sucking, fucking its like oohh, aahh, give it to me...(then I did some pumping motion).
girl 2: (while laughing) no sir we offer you sock, thirty bah for a pair of sock.
moonshiner: buset umalis nga kayo sa tabi ko at hindi ako nakakaintindi ng ingles at marami akong medyas sa bahay busetttt hindoropot.

Inside a thai restaurant:

moonshiner: (calling one of the waiter) amigo do you have a soy sauce and kalamansi?
waiter 1: sosos and what? no thank you
moonshiner: (calling another waiter) hey do you have a soy sauce and kalamansi?
waiter 2: ok chili sosos come right
moonshiner: no not chili sauce, what i mean is soy sauce, toyo and kalamansi.
waiter 3: what do you want sir?
moonshiner: toyo and kalamansi
waiter 3: Ah kalamansi panghalo sa gin, sandali lang pare hahanap ako.