Welcome to my nightmare, i hope i didn't scare you

Moonshiner: Hello wala po akong internet connection.
Call Center Employee: Hello this is James Bond, puede pong malaman ang pangalan nyo sir?
M: Vinton Robert Cerf Khan
CCE: Yun naman pong service id number nyo?
M: 10071207
CCE: Sandali lang po chechekin ko lang ang base station kung may technical activity.

Pagkatapos ng ilang minutong paghihintay...
CCE: Sir Vint Cerf, upon checking naman po sa base station ay ok naman.
M: So bakit wala pa rin akong internet connection?
CCE: Sir pamilyar ba kayo sa ping test? pakibuksan naman po ang command prompt.
M: Ok nandito na ako sa command prompt.
CCE: Paki type naman po yung ipconfig /all.
M: Ok na type ko na
CCE: Ano po ang lumabas na IP address?
M: 123.456.789.101
CCE: Ok, paki type naman po yung ping 10.0.0.1
M: Ok na type ko na 100% loss naman
CCE: Paki type din po yung ping 203. 87.128.3 at pagktapos ay yung 203.87.128.4
M: Parehong 100% loss
CCE: Ping nyo naman yung 203.84.191.216
M: 25% loss
CCE: Ping nyo naman yung 192.168.224.1
M: 50% loss
CCE: Sir pamilyar po ba kayo sa Speed Test, paki type nyo po sa browser bar nyo.
M: Sandali lang at nagloload pa lang.

Pagkatapos ng siyam na minutong paghihintay para mag load ang Speed Test.
M: Ok 9.60 kbps
CCE: Ok sir after checking your connection and after conducting some troubleshooting, ginawan ko na po ng report at pinorward ko na rin po sa higher tech for evaluation. In the meantime, keep an eye on your connection within 24 hours at kapag wala pa rin pong nangyari ay igagawa ko uli ng follow-up report.
M: Ok thanks.
CCE: Is that all sir? any other concern po?
Moonshiner: Yes, wala akong internet connection.
Call Center Employee: Puede pong malaman ang pangalan nyo sir?
M: (this time i changed my name) Pink Panther po
CCE: Yun naman pong service id number nyo?
M: 10071207
CCE: Sandali lang po chechekin ko lang ang base station kung may technical activity.

Pagkatapos ng ilang minutong paghihintay...
CCE: Mr. Panther, upon checking naman po sa base station ay ok naman.
M: So bakit wala pa rin akong internet connection?
CCE: Sir pamilyar ba kayo sa ping test? pakibuksan naman po ang command prompt.
M: Ok nandito na ako sa command prompt.
CCE: Paki type naman po yung ipconfig /all.
M: Ok na type ko na
CCE: Ano po ang lumabas na IP address?
M: 123.456.789.101
CCE: Ok, paki type naman po yung ping 10.0.0.1
M: Ok na type ko na 100% loss naman
CCE: Paki type din po yung ping 203. 87.128.3 at pagktapos ay yung 203.87.128.4
M: Parehong 100% loss
CCE: Ping nyo naman yung 203.84.191.216
M: 25% loss
CCE: Ping nyo naman yung 192.168.224.1
M: 50% loss
CCE: Sir pamilyar po ba kayo sa Speed Test, paki type nyo po sa browser bar nyo.
M: Sandali lang at nagloload pa lang.

Pagkatapos ng siyam na minutong paghihintay para mag load ang Speed Test.
M: Ok 9.60 kbps
CCE: Ok sir after checking your connection and after conducting some troubleshooting, ginawan ko na po ng report at pinorward ko na rin po sa higher tech for evaluation. In the meantime, keep an eye on your connection within 24 hours at kapag wala pa rin pong nangyari ay igagawa ko uli ng follow-up report.
M: Endayyyyy, paki-kuha nga yung valium ko jan sa ilalim ng kama at yung baseball bat ko. Buksan mo na rin yung beer in can at akina lahat yan.
CCE: I'm sorry sir, James Bond po ang name ko at hindi enday. Wala rin po kaming inooper na valium, baseball bat at ice cold beer in can. Try nyo po dial ang 71207, dun po ang mga outbound call center employee. Is that all sir?
M: Sus (sabay kasa ko ng pirated DVD ng Live Earth concert at pinanood si Chaka Khan).